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what do you think of my attempt at Sonnet.?
Does it still need a brush up?
And how can I improve it?
Sonnet
A Sonnet is a poem consisting of 14 lines (iambic pentameter) with a particular rhyming scheme:
rhyming scheme:
#1) abab cdcd efef gg
From above, God sits upon his petal stool,
Admiring the vast beauty sowed by hand,
Glistening crystal blue Sapphire Jewel,
Swiftly caress against golden buff sand,
Enveloping the great coliseum,
Radiant sun reflects God’s graceful glee,
Wind orchestrates earth’s athenaeum,
This beautiful world which captivates me,
Autumn leaves percussion, bee’s dance on hives,
Choir birds sing whilst humming birds sing their hymns
Drum beats roll across ecliptic night eyes,
Seasons inspire nature’s creative whim,
Soft subtle melodies played by nature,
Twirling atoms dance to earths denature.
Pentameter refers to 10 beats. Iambic pentameter is -/-/-/-/-/ or five feet.
Your first line is /-///-/-/-/ That is not iambic pentameter. This is a poem, not a sonnet by sonnet definitions. Be careful of what you wish for. As a poem this is not bad. Go back and make it in sonnet form. It will be a good exercise.
From above, God sits upon his petal stool, 11
Admiring the vast beauty sowed by hand, 11
Glistening crystal blue Sapphire Jewel, 10
Swiftly caress against golden buff sand, 10
Enveloping the great coliseum, 10
Radiant sun reflects God’s graceful glee, 10
Wind orchestrates earth’s athenaeum, 9
This beautiful world which captivates me, 10
Autumn leaves percussion, bee’s dance on hives, 10
Choir birds sing whilst humming birds sing their hymns 10
Drum beats roll across ecliptic night eyes, 10
Seasons inspire nature’s creative whim, 10
Soft subtle melodies played by nature, 10
Twirling atoms dance to earths denature. 10
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